Saturday, November 05, 2005

Well, You've Got To Start Somewhere...!

Hmm, have never tried doing this before, but it might do me good to sound off somewhere where hardly anyone knows who I am (apart from Gemma, cos I gave her the address to this!). The idea really is that this is an anonymous diary sort of thing where I can moan, scream and shout about things that I can't normally tell other people. Anyway, its about half eleven on a friday night and I'm sitting in my room in an empty house as everyone else has gone home for reading week. I don't know why I'm feeling so down at the mo, but I'm trying my best to cover it up by being the usual prat that I can be- makes it easier to divert away from any problems I have. I mean, take tonight for example, theres a party going on next door that I've been invited to, in a house full of girls, and I havent gone. I mean, how pathetic is that really? I need to majorly do something about this self-confidence problem I have around girls. I've been single for more than 2 years now, and aside from a couple of fumbles, haven't even got close to any sort of intimacy, which I'm sure is what I'm craving more than anything at the moment. It sounds weird for a guy, I know, but all I want at the mo is the chance to feel close to someone. You know what I mean, to wake up in the morning, turn over and get that warm feeling when you see someone that you really care about asleep next to you. I've had it before, and am desperate to get it back again! My problem is that I always fall for the girls that I can't get, for example, I had a few months where I was obsessed with my best friend, who is the most amazing person in the world. But is it really worth risking 7 years of friendship for a stupid misplaced admittance of supposed love? I don't think so. It's strange, because you cant really get what I'm looking for in a nightclub or in a pub, you just tend to fall into it, and it doesn't work if you go looking for it, it just happens. So what can I do? Go next door to the party? Maybe, but then if it goes wrong, I'll end up leaving feeling worse than when I arrived. Ah, I'll just stay here and take the safe option, much easier!

Anyway, enough about the disasterous love life! The course is going ok, I'm not really knuckling down enough at the mo, and if I want the top class degree that I crave, then I'm gonna have to properly get to it this reading week, and avoid playing on my new, shiny PS2! I got a game called Buzz! with it when I got it on Monday, and it's the most fantastic thing ever! It's a a music quiz game, but it comes with 4 buzzers, like on a TV quiz show, and it is awesome to play with your mates. Give it a go if you get the chance!

Tommorrow is football again as usual, and a local league game. I was very pissed off last week when I ran the line on the Uni v Town Res game, and got some major abuse from some prick on the sidelines. I swear, I have never been so close to punching someone as I was last Saturday! Anyway, it keeps me in beer, and relatively fit, so shouldn't complain I suppose! On which note, I really should start exercising more and eating healthier, or I'm going to end up a fat blob again, and nobody likes that at all!

Erm, I can't really think of much more to say to be honest, so I'm gonna dash off and watch Closer which I bought on DVD yesterday. I saw it on stage with my best girly mate last year and it was fantastic, and will prob make me cry, cos thats what I'm like with girly films! Very gay!

If anyone does happen to stumble across this blog, then please leave a comment or two, and I'll try to keep it updated as much as possible over the next few months.


On my iPod at the mo............Alicia Keys- MTV Unplugged!


At 4:15 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you seem really refreshingly normal



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